So Complicated

As many of us know, I am a very complicated person. I want to take a moment to discuss the merits and detriments in regards to this innate quality of mine.

Being a complicated person means that I am a deep thinker. I consider myself to be very analytical and follow logic in a more or less iron-clad fashion. I am certainly capable of breaking the rules of this logic I have imposed upon myself since I am human but find that I do follow the trend more or less linearly. Although I am logical, I have the ability to think outside the box as well. There will always be certain constraints for any given situation but I like to think that I have the ability to bend those constraints to a purpose that is more pliable to my needs. If you sat me down and told me the rules of a game I would automatically look for any loopholes that might make winning easier. The same applies for getting what I want out of situations. I tend to gravitate towards other people who I find complicated. I think I need my mind to be occupied and that suits it well. People who are too simple (and maybe too well put together) are easy to figure out and therefore boring.

There are times when I wish I was less complicated. Things would be so much easier if I could flip a switch in my head labelled "simple." I wouldn't have to mentally go through all the combinations and permutations for a given event, I wouldn't have to have thoughts and feelings so complex that I cannot properly articulate them in the written sense.

People say you can't change who you are. I agree with that statement for any given time. I've mentioned in previous posts that I find the concept of identity to be fluid. In the same analogy, we can find our own personalities down the river at any given point. I think it's not that snapshot that really matters but the flow of that river. We should focus on how we got to where we are and not what we are. Maybe have a look at the why instead of the is.

In that vein, it seems kind of redundant to even talk about the merits and detriments of my being complicated. To address the why, I will say I am this way because it is necessary for me to be who I am. That, or I find it necessary and so I am.