People all say they've got different things that motivate them in their life. In an effort to make my blog more personal I'll talk about a few of mine. Also, this post is like Seinfeld where I will get off topic and talk in detail about nothing. It might not be as funny as Seinfeld though...
All in all, I have to say that I live for the big moments of emotion. Those make or break you moments. There's something about the trill of being in a really important situation that I love. In fact, I find I love those types of moments so much that I tend to create them and gravitate towards them.
Now, I know what you're going to say. "Tyler, won't this cause unnecessary drama?" Yes, it most likely will. However, I consider the cost to be worth it when you consider the benefits. We've only got so much time and we need to be able to live life to the fullest. If that means fucking things up or making stupid mistakes because I want to ensure that all things I do have meaning then I say bring it on. I'm not going to sit by while things pass in their quiet manner. Rather, I will incite excitement in mundane things and try to give even the simplest of things that little spice of life that I've got zest for.
There's something else that's kind of bothering me as well. Now, I consider myself to be pretty honest on the whole. Sure, I don't always tell the full truth about things but as in a previous post I've made, I don't consider that outright lying. And also, if I always told every person every single thing about myself then there would be no mystery and I love mystery so I'll not do that. I will say that the people who know me well can figure out what I'm thinking pretty easily and know how my brain works. In layman's terms, I like to make things really fucking complicated. But that's getting a little bit off topic. Someone said to me once, "Tyler, tell me something fucking real about yourself!" Not like where I'm from or what I've done or anything like that but rather how I feel about certain things. I'd like to think that I'm quite expressive but I don't want people to see me as being evasive when it comes to personal matters. I'll tell anyone anything if they ask but that's just the thing: oft time, no one asks. They want stuff volunteered. I've got ego but I kind of find it self-centered to just steer a conversation and make it all about you. I know there's more in the world than just me and I want to do right by myself and give that stuff its due too.
I've got certain ways that I go about things but I don't feel that question has to be asked to me really. Why not say something like, "Tell me about how you feel about love?" Or how I feel about abortion or death, or whatever. I would say what I think. What am I supposed to do? Am I just gonna be like, "Hey guys, sorry to interupt but I feel like abortion is wrong because you're robbing a potential person of any chance to impact the world" or "I believe things are too convenient in the world and because of the similarities of popular religions I prefer to believe in a more personal and spiritual type of faith." I think that stuff is like conversation bombs, really and is quite unreasonable. I think a lot of people share too much about themselves.
There is something that I can find some appeal in and, maybe it's because I like puzzles so much, but I like not knowing everything about a person originally and finding out all that shit by growing closer to people. That's because I like the journey, I like the process of uncovering information. In that respect, this may be self-evident, but I'll say about myself that I'm both far, far more complicated and far, far more simple than anyone would imagine.
I think that there's a time when you can be too honest with people. You don't want every single person to know every little detail about you. It's like marriage: that's the end of the road so why get married so early? There's nothing after that. I want to go through a process, long as it may be, and have some fun with this stuff. I want to make little things more exciting and add a spice of mystery to life that most people wouldn't care about.
I do realize that I have many opinions I don't voice but the partial reason for this post is to give voice to some of that stuff and let whoever wants to read this thing know that I feel strongly about so much stuff. Way more than anyone could imagine. If I hide any of that from people it's for a sense of style that I hope a few people get and realize and that even more might not understand. But if I say I'm an open book, I'm not lying, you just haven't opened the book yet.
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